Letter to U..

I want you to know that
I miss you
I miss you so
I want you to know that
I miss you
I miss you so

I'm writing again
these letters to you aren't much I know
But I'm not sleeping, and you're not here
The thought stops my heart

-LETTERS TO U- by FINCH

Dear mom..

How are you doing up there? I bet you are happy with the love of your life there..Send my regards to him...
Mom, do u remember your little girl here? Have u ever wonder how's she doing?
Is she okay? Is she happy? Is she sad?Is she OK or not?What she’s doing??
Let me tell you..She's not happy neither she's sad..she have no idea..The truth is, she's lost..in her own world..

Mom..
She misses u a lot..
She misses u...
- When something good happens because you’re one person she would like to share with
- When she’s sad because u always have a good reason to comfort her
- When she’s sick or fell ill because she loved listen to your attentive care and advice (eventhough she knows herself the cure to her sickness..it’s u)
- When u laugh at her stupid jokes and u reply with your lack-of-emotion-jokes that made her kept thinking where do you get such an idea???
- When she’s getting to sleep at night for now she has no one to hug and kiss her goodnight....she is still the same pampered-spoiled-little-girl that u delivered 23 years before..still loves being hug and kiss by you..something that she’s lost forever..
- When she’s going out of home..those moment when she kiss your hand and u reply with ur warm kisses...true mom..your little daughter loves to travel..she’s always away from family..from u..but, the moment she loves the best is when she kiss your hand and u kiss her back..
- When she look at you and seeing you looking back at her with your motherly and lovely eyes..
- With your advices when she’s away..always the same advices..but, she loves it just as it is the best and her favourite song afterall..
- When she’s back from her journey and you cook so many delicious food that she can’t resist..it’s too bad she doesn’t get that trait from u mom..she can’t cook..puff!!
- When u miss her and u text her asking how’s she doing??has she eaten?what are she’s having for your lunch,dinner etc??All your messages mom..She misses them..u know mom, her phone broke last year..luckily she can fix it..it’s not she loves that phone very much..it’s just, the phone contains your old messages that she doesn’t bother to delete it because she loves it..she read and read and read and never get tired of them..that is SO her..
- ALL THE TIME!She misses you ALL THE TIME..there’s no single day she never think of you..NO..NEVER..her brain is occupied with all the memories that she shared with u and her dad that she doesn’t have the time to think about anything else..except for the life she’s heading now..don’t blame her if she doesn’t shows any interest in any guys because she finds it hard to believe if there’s any guy who can cure her ill-hearted heart...who can take a good care of her..maybe not as good enough as u and her father have done..but at least, he is like her father, who is scared to lose her even he knows she always belong to her from the start..

Mom..your little girl laughs so hard on the outside because she thinks she deserved it for she has cried a lot mom..she cried in the toilet..she cried in the bus..she cried looking at your picture not more than 5 minutes..she cried in front of her monitor..and..she even cried in her sleep..not once..not twice..a lot....she really miss you..

But mom..don't worry..she's still breathing..still alive..still smile..laugh histerically..make jokes of everyone around her..she's still the same little girl u have left before..she has her brother and sisters around her..taking very good care of her..she has a lot of great friends around her..whom she enjoys being with them..gather a lot of experiences..but..she is still alone..in her own world..she have no idea how to escape from her world..she loves being there..she is...your little girl...is...is..broken..really2...broken..her heart has shattered..

People believe that she is strong..she proves that by continue living..she picks all the broken pieces of her heart piece by piece..slowly..crying in despair for the pain..she endured the pain by being crazy..people say she IS crazy..she’s OK with that..well, she doesn’t really care what people say..compare to people sorry for her, she prefer being the crazy one..maybe,she is crazy..

She seems to has a lot of regrets in her life mom..She regrets that she doesn't have a chance...
- to ask you, are you proud of her?
- to see u smile when she received her scroll for her degree..
- to see u cry of pride and joyous at her graduation day...
- to introduce her other half (if there’s any) and ask u if u agree with her...
- to see u hold her first baby..and wonder if she can be as GREAT as u..
- but, most of all she regrets the most is..because she doesn’t get any chance to wish u Happy birthday and Happy Mother’s day anymore..Happy birthday mom..and Happy Mother’s Day..She thanks you for given her a chance to be your daughter even just for a little while, she really appreciate it and she knows you are the BEST mother for her..She loves U more than anything..After all, she just wants to know, are you proud of her??are you mom??

P/S: When will we meet again??


Truthfully,
your little daughter...