Jokes

Matured lady


A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Don't Mess With Mature LadiesIf you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone you know.I just did!




Things You Would Never Know Without Indian Movies

1. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to cleanse his wounds.
2. The hero cannot fall in love with the heroine(vice versa) unless they first perform a dance number.
3. Once applied, make-up is permanent, in rain or in any other situation.
4. Two lovers can be dancing in the field and god knows out of nowhere, 100 people will appear from god-knows-where and joins them in the dance.
5. In the final scene, the hero will discover that the bad guy who he is up against is actually his brother and the maid who looked after him is his mother and the chief inspector is his father and the Judge is his uncle and so forth.
6. Key English words used in the movie (usually said out loud between sentences) are No Problem!, My God!, Get Out!, Shut-up!, Impossible!, Please forgive me!
7.They drop down on grounds and roll and roll while singing and came out with different clothings.
8.They can run around the coconut trees, singing, battling eyelid, and throwing glances at each other and change clothes all at the same time without being out of breath.
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Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese Swordsman Movies

1. Being the hero's parents will always be unlucky and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is young, and the hero will become an orphan.
2. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manage to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dropping his head and declare dead.
3. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across distances without any sweat. But when travelling to towns and villages, they still have to walk or ride horses.
4. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have golds and silvers with them to pay for their dishes.
5. The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big the country is and no matter where they are.
6. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head.
7. They can keep alot of stuff in their sleeves andwaistband and never drop them.Especially alot of gold and silver ingots...